Pregnancy Bliss

Some would hate me for saying this, but the truth is I loved being pregnant. If motherhood were as smooth as pregnancy for me, I would want to have at least 10 kids. Of course, that's saying nothing about labor and delivery.

Steve and I recently made the decision to stop birth control and open ourselves to the higher chance of pregnancy. We think we're as ready as we can be for another Laymon to enter our household.

Thinking about a possible pregnancy makes me excited. Here are the top 10 things I love about pregnancy.

10. New maternity clothes. I borrowed so many last time that whether I can borrow again or need to buy more, it's fun to have new clothes to wear!

9. The liberty to eat more, although it's important to note that the joy of eating comes in the 2nd, not the 1st trimester. Unfortunately, eating in the 1st trimester sucks, and I didn't even really get morning sickness. Most days, I was forcing things down my throat because I knew I needed to eat... everything just seemed bland, and some things were down right repulsive. Once that faded though, eating was so great! Bring on the pickles and chocolate!

 8. Following the baby's development by reading Week by Week pregnancy books, watching videos and ultrasounds and all the pictures and analogies of a life being formed, i.e. "your baby is the size of a grapefruit this week". It's so fascinating to have a glimpse into what's going on in your body, and that without any of your control.

7. Creating special spaces and places for the new baby -- decorating and picking a theme for all the baby gear.

6. Feeling the movements and kicks of the new life inside.

5. Having a perfect excuse for sleep and rest and generally not getting things done -- I didn't use this one as much as I should have last time. I will try not to make the same mistake again. Steve and I have a theory that Jed is so active because I never rested when I was pregnant with him. Our experiment this time will be for me to be more restful. We'll see if we can manipulate a less active baby... it's probably a long shot, but it doesn't hurt to try.

4. Body pillows and more pillows, although they make Steve a little jealous.

3. No periods! Nuff said.

2. I noticed that people tended to smile and be more friendly with me when I walked down the street. That's just fun.

1. The joy of entering the mystery of new creation, new life, not being in control of it but being an active participant in God's creating work. In short, taking part in a miracle.

So just to clarify, I'm not pregnant yet! But it's kind of fun to enjoy the anticipation and I thought you could enjoy it with me.

Family Photos

We took new family photos this week... and we have a victory: we managed to keep Jed's hands out of his mouth! He is still teething, though he is so close to being done. Of course, he hadn't drooled all day but as soon as we pulled up to the site, the drool began to run!

Luckily, our photographer, Jess Sofranko, kept him so occupied and happy that the hands stayed out and the smiled stayed on!

 Here's the picture we're sending out on our Navigator newsletters. Cal Poly, here we come!

 Belly!!!

 This was awesome! I wasn't sure if he would stay seated by himself but he did!

 Such a cute boy!

 He was starting to get a little cranky at this point. It looks like he's laughing but he's actually starting to get agitated. Fun picture anyway.

Two, two, threeeee! as Jed would say!

And our favorite!

Musings of a Reluctant Mother

A reluctant mother is one who loves the idea of having a baby, but once waking to the ice-cold realities of exhaustion and self-denial wants to turn back. A reluctant mother has bouts of both exploding anger and untamed affection. A reluctant mother is someone who despises society's suffocating expectations and unrealistic images of the perfect mother; and who forges her own path of finding who she is uniquely as a mother, though oftentimes with much fear and frustration. I am a reluctant mother. Motherhood is the hardest thing I've ever done. Most days I want to throw off the fetters of motherhood and be free again. Despite that, it's one of the best things that has happened to me. I want to know this life ...

that God has placed in my arms. And I am experiencing the wonders of new birth because of him and because God takes my raw frailty and selfish ugliness and transforms it into a dignified strength and selfless love. That is my hope and for that I press in, though still often reluctant.

Ever since Jed was born and I was thrust into the ominous world of motherhood I have wanted to expose the lie that new mommyhood is all frills and cuteness. Damn those Target catalogs! I thought having a new baby would be cute, and even now when I see a new mom with her new baby, I think, "How cute! I want one.... oh wait." How is it so deceiving? It still baffles me.

Lately, as Jed has entered toddlerhood and needs daily activity, I've wanted to get creative and try new things. I have an image of the typical, American, stay-at-home mom that I dreadfully want to avoid. She does all the crafts on pinterest and finds all the mommy and me classes and creates the coolest science experiments. And she doesn't mind the messes of paint and glue and dirt and spends her child's naps creating an elaborate dinner for her family.

Though I know this person probably does not exist, there's this terrifying expectation that this image is someone to live up to. I'm rebelling against her. And I'm also not going to throw in the towel and just go back to work. I think that I can do this mom thing in my own unique way. I want to be authentically me in this new world of motherhood. And while I'm still figuring out what this looks like, I thought it would be good for me to have a place to play with being a mom. This blog is intended to be a place where I can vent honestly about the difficulties of motherhood, a place where I can explore and reflect on Jed's unique giftings and interest, and a place where I can experiment and create new ways of doing motherhood. Here we go!

Jed Plays Lacrosse

Jed can make up just about any game with the most random household items. Today he started playing lacrosse with a spoon and a ball. He doesn't even know what lacrosse is. He was getting frustrated that the ball kept falling off the spoon so I showed him how to tip the spoon to balance the ball and to my amazement, he learned from my demonstration.

Later he added an oven mitt to the mix and we played whale eats the ball. I love how creative Jed is!